The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
