I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
