Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
