my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
