I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
