dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
