does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
