This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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