I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
