cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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