i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
