The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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