Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
