so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
