Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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