I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
