My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize