we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
