ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
