my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
