Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
