one two three fourrrrnication!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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