I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
