i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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