He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
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