you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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