I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
