I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
