Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
No subtext here. People are naked.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
