my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
