i need an iv and a liver transplant
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
