"it" just moved
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
