Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
