I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize