I will die if light touches me.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
