ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
