If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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