i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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