Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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