Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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