How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize