there's paper in my vomit.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
