i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
