Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
