shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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