New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We are all done wearing pants today
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
