no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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