but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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