You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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