I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
