My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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