well you can't waste a boner
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize