Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
the liver wants what the liver wants
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
