I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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