Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
