Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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