Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize