he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
