Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You dont lie about slip and slides
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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