YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Randomize
