In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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