About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
