apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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