I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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