why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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