I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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