so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Are we still banned from the library?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
