Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
