so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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